I Hate Myself.

I hate myself. I have been eating meat and dairy and I feel so guilty about it and think about it a lot. I have been signing animal petitions off and on, especially with factory farming. But I kind of gave up after my daddy passed away a couple of months ago. I basically said FUCK IT to everything.

I decided I am going to have to do what I have been wanting to avoid to make this a serious commitment and that is watch the Vegan Documentaries such as Earthlings, just all of them basically. I really dont want too. I dont want to cry but I may need to cry and feel a lot more pain then I do now in order to stop eating meat and dairy. Maybe the emotional trauma will stop me dead in my tracks of eating meat and dairy.

Cows should not be carried on bull dozers and separated from their young so that they can be a delicacy. Chickens have the worst fate, its hard to tell between all the farm animals. :( Maybe its the pigs, since people say bacon to everything smh. Its so stupid. I am so guilty and hate myself for it.

I thought maybe at the time I said fuck it, that I would just brush off the whole vegan thing but my guilt and knowing that I know and think its wrong makes me not want to do it anymore. I just wish I had more will power and self-discipline. Honestly IDK WTF I am doing at the moment. I need to really sit down and think about this.